


Love Notes

by Kittyaceres



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Dean Winchester, College, College Student Castiel, College Student Dean Winchester, Dean has No Clue, Love Notes, M/M, Minor Balthazar/Castiel, Mutual Pining, POV Dean Winchester, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Pining Castiel, Pining Dean Winchester, Road Trip, Secret Admirer, and they were ROOMMATES, because he's a dumbass, but like...it unlikely, but we all know that dean drives fast so who cares, i mean...google maps says it's feasible to go from sacramento to lawrence in 24 hours, just fucking guess who it could possibly be you guys, oh my god they were roommates, they cross half the united states in an unrealistic amount of time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 01:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14509524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittyaceres/pseuds/Kittyaceres
Summary: Dean had been receiving secret love notes stuffed in the vents of his locker or taped to it all throughout high school. The notes were always small, affectionate things. Sometimes they were love poems, sometimes they were stupid pickup lines, sometimes they were simple endearments. If Dean was honest, he actually found the notes endearing, and in senior year, he'd camped out in the school overnight, desperate to find out who'd written them. Unfortunately, every time he did, his secret admirer never showed and then he would find a note on his locker during passing after first period.Now it seems that his secret admirer has followed him to college, all the way in California. But Dean has other things to worry about, like his sudden massive crush on his best-friend-slash-roommate Castiel and all the feelings of jealousy when said best friend discovers dating. Maybe now is the time to finally figure out who his secret admirer is. For real this time.





	1. Dean Discovers Something

Dean stalled outside of his dorm room and stared at the piece of paper taped to the door.  The one with his name in a heart. He plucked it off the door and went inside to read it.

"Dude, I think I have a stalker," he said to his roommate, Castiel, who was laying on his bed reading a textbook held high over his head.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked disinterestedly.

Dean waved the note so Castiel could hear its flapping. "I got another love note from my secret admirer. How did she know I go here?" They had a coed dorm, so it wouldn’t be that strange for her to be wandering around their dorm.

Cas rolled over so that his back was facing Dean and propped the book up against the wall. "I dunno, maybe they happened to go to the same college as you and they noticed you on campus. Or maybe it's a new person."

Dean wiggled the note at his apathetic roommate. "Dude, this is serious." Castiel hummed noncommittally. Dean read the note.

_I hope you achieve all your goals because you deserve it._

"Nah, it's definitely the same person. No one else is this dorky." Dean chuckled affectionately.  He tucked the note into the shoebox under his bed with the others.

Dean had been receiving secret love notes stuffed in the vents of his locker or taped to it all throughout high school. The notes were always small, affectionate things. Sometimes they were love poems, sometimes they were stupid pickup lines, sometimes they were simple endearments. And his secret admirer was always very respectful. When Dean got a girlfriend junior year, the notes became less flirty and affectionate and instead became more encouraging and friendly. They became flirtier a while after Dean and his girlfriend broke up. Dean had always found the notes endearing, and in senior year, he'd camped out in the school overnight, desperate to find out who'd written them. Unfortunately, every time he did, his secret admirer never came and then he would find a note on his locker during passing after first period.

The only person Dean had told about the notes was Castiel, mostly because Castiel was there when he'd found the first one. Castiel had also tagged along on the stakeouts, but he was never much help. He often fell asleep on Dean's shoulder or in his lap, his trench coat wrapped around himself like a blanket.

Really, the only thing that Dean was upset about receiving more love notes here at college, halfway across the country, was how in the world his secret admirer had known he would be here.

* * *

 

The next time Dean found a note on his door was a week later. He had invited his new friend Charlie over to study and play video games. Charlie noticed the note before Dean. "Oooh!" she teased. "Someone's got the hots for you, Dean!" She pulled the note off the door and showed it to Dean. "I wonder what it says."

"Charlie don't...!" Dean complained. But it was too late; Charlie was opening up the note.

" _Your smile is the sun: it lights up my world,_ " she read. "Awwww!! That's so sweet!".

Dean snatched the note from her hand and stuffed it in his pocket and grumbled, "It's cheesy 's what it is." He pulled open the door and stormed inside.

"Hello, Dean," murmured Cas, sitting at his desk and working on math problems.

Charlie shut the door behind her when she came in. "Hi, you must be Dean's roommate! I'm Charlie."

Cas looked up from his homework and twisted to face Charlie. "I'm Castiel. Dean, I didn't know you had a girl over."

Dean shrugged. "We're studying for our History class."

Castiel's eyes drifted from Dean to Charlie and back to Dean. "Are you...should I leave?"

"No, Cas, it's fine," Dean said.

Castiel was already closing his text book. "No, really, I can leave if you want me to..." he said, slipping the book into his backpack.

"What? We're just studying."

Cas got up from the chair and retreated to the door. "No, really, I don't want to bother you. I'll just go to the library."

“Dude, why are you acting so weird about this?” Dean yelled when Castiel ducked out of the door. He chased after Cas, but when he stuck his head out of the door, Castiel had disappeared down the hall.

"Uh, did he think that you brought me here because I'm your...girlfriend?" Charlie asked. Dean rested his head on the doorjamb.

"Ugh, probably. I better go find him."

"No, I'll talk to him." Charlie smiled. "Don't want him thinking the wrong thing, y'know?" Before Dean could respond, Charlie left the dorm room.

Dean sighed in resignation and plopped down on his bed. He pulled the crumpled love note from his pocket and read it. Grinning, he slipped it into the shoebox under his bed.

Castiel and Charlie didn't return for an hour, and Dean started to worry. He texted both of them, but neither of them replied. He covered his eyes with his arm and waited for them to return. He fell asleep before either of them returned.

Dean woke to someone gently shaking his shoulder.  He groaned groggily and opened his eyes. Castiel was standing above him with a soft smile and a bag from Baskin Robbins.

"Sorry for not answering your text; Charlie and I went to see a movie," Castiel said, handing Dean the bag and moving to sit on his own bed.

"Looks like that's not the only place you went," Dean noticed, opening the bag. Inside was a cup of Rocky Road ice cream, his favorite.

"We got discounted ice cream because the barista thought that Charlie was cute." Castiel chuckled to himself.

"So, you went to a movie and then got ice cream afterwards? Did you enjoy your date?" Dean teased.

"It wasn't a date."

"Uh-huh." Dean took a scoop of his ice cream. "Sure it wasn't, Cas."

* * *

 

Castiel and Charlie grew very close the next few months. The next time that Dean saw her, she declared that Castiel was now her best friend. Castiel denied this, saying that Dean was his best friend forever and that Charlie was his second-best friend. Dean felt a burst of pride at that.

The love notes on his door became more routine; Dean could expect one on the dorm room door every other day after his last class of the day. On the weekends, they were more irregular. The only thing that Dean could be sure of was that as soon as he left the dorm room, he would find a love note on the door upon his return.

One Saturday, he decided that he was going to find out who was writing him love letters. This had gone on long enough. He sat outside of the dorm room, hidden behind a potted plant, watching the door for the whole day. Charlie came by during the day. She entered the dorm and didn't come out. Dean figured that she was just hanging out with Castiel.

Dean waited until an hour before curfew. By that point, his stomach was growling so loudly that it probably alerted anyone coming that he was there. He went back into the dorm. He and Cas had supplies to make PB&J's. Dean wasn't going to let anyone sneak up on him, and they only came when Dean was gone.

When Dean entered the dorm, Castiel and Charlie were sitting together on Castiel's bed looking at Charlie's laptop. Charlie had her knee tucked under her behind Castiel's back, one hand on his shoulder, and her chin resting on the other shoulder as she and Cas read off of the laptop. Dean didn't understand why, but the sight made him uncomfortable and tense.

"Hello, Dean," murmured Cas, not looking up from the laptop.

"'Sup, bitch?" greeted Charlie, glancing up at Dean.

"Nothin'," he replied. He pulled some jam out of the mini fridge and peanut butter and bread off of the shelves. "What 'cha looking at there?"

"Charlie and I took the Sorting Hat quiz on Pottermore today. Apparently, I'm a Gryffindor. Charlie's in Slytherin."

"Cool. I'm a Hufflepuff myself," Dean replied. "I always thought I'd be a Gryffindor, but the Sorting Hat never lies." Castiel hummed his agreement (“Amen!” said Charlie enthusiastically). Dean finished making his sandwich and sat down on his bed. "So, what 'cha doin' now?"

"Cas is doing the patronus test now. Y' wanna watch?" Charlie asked.

Dean looked at them sitting so close and frowned. "Nah."

"M'kay."

Dean tried to look away from them. He stared out the window and ate his sandwich. He couldn't help himself from glancing at them. Cas started smiling when he finished the test, and Dean couldn't breathe. His heart raced. _Wow._ Cas looked...cute—no, he looked fucking adorable when he smiled like that. How hadn't he noticed before?

Castiel looked up at Dean, and Dean quickly looked away, his face heating. "Dean."

Dean forced himself to take a deep breath. "Yeah, Cas?"

"Would you like to know what my patronus is?" Castiel asked calmly, as if the world hadn't just flipped upside down. Dean looked back over, the two of them were still curled up together, causing Dean's guts to curdle.

"Later," he said. "I'm’onna get some food. Peanut butter and jelly just isn't enough." He stood up and grabbed his jacket.

Cas looked at him with those innocent blue eyes of his. "Get me something?"

"Sure thing, buddy." With that, Dean left. He walked across campus to the pizza parlor on campus and sat in the loud room full of excited teenagers, quietly panicking.

When he returned, there was another love note on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and kudos :)  
> My tumblr: [perfectlylovingtiger](https://perfectlylovingtiger.tumblr.com/)


	2. Dean is Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean learns that you shouldn't jump to conclusions, and Castiel gets a new boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mean to post this so far after the last one? No. Whoops.

You see, the problem wasn't that Dean was male and that Castiel was also male. That was definitely not the problem. Really, if he was honest with himself, he wasn't sure whether he was straight or bisexual. He'd never been attracted to another guy before, but the idea of it didn't turn him off. In fact, he had a list of boys who, if they asked him out, he wouldn't say no to them. Cas was _not_ on that list. Well, he hadn't been before...

Cas was his friend, though! Dean couldn't like him like this! And he _certainly_ couldn't date him! What if he fucked up? What if he lost Cas? Dean would rather have Cas platonically than not at all. Besides, what about Charlie? She and Cas were dating, weren't they? The certainly _acted_ like they were. Constantly hanging out together, going out places together, cuddling… Dean couldn’t stand to think about it.

Despite the fact that thinking about the two of them together made him sick with rage, Dean tried his best to be supportive. If Cas was happy, Dean was happy. Dean was going to stick to that philosophy. It wasn't always easy though...

Dean and Cas were hanging out in their dorm room one Friday evening mid-November.

Castiel sat up and said, "Dean, I'm going out with Charlie."

Dean tried his hardest to plaster on a smile. "Good for you, man."

Castiel frowned. "I meant that I'm going out with her now."

"Oh. Have fun, I guess." _If Cas is happy, I'm happy. If Cas is happy, I'm happy._

Castiel slipped on his shoes and coat. "Bye, Dean. I'll be back in an hour or two." With that, Cas was gone.

Dean curled into a little ball. He didn't cry, but he wanted to. He wallowed in his misery for the next few hours until his bladder forced him to get up.

He hesitated when he heard Castiel's voice on the other side of the door.

"It's _my_ decision, Charlie!"

"I _know_ that. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but—"

"Then stay out of it!"

"I'm your friend, Castiel! I care about you. I think this is a bad idea and that you're going to regret it."

"Why do you think I'm going to regret it?"

"First of all, you barely even know him. You're not attracted to him at all—"

"Yes, I am!"

"Are you? Are you _really?_ " Charlie paused. "And anyway, what about your crush? How are you going to maintain a relationship when your heart belongs to someone else?"

"It's a casual relationship."

"Cas, that means that he just wants to have sex with you! You don't deserve that! You deserve someone who wants your heart and soul." Charlie sighed. "Cas, look. I don't approve of your relationship with him, but if you go through with it, I'll support you all the way."

"Thanks, Charlie."

Dean sat down on his bed quickly, trying to act as though he hadn't been eavesdropping when Castiel entered.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas. Have fun?"

"It was okay." Cas shrugged. "Hey, Dean, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure. Just, let me pee first?" Dean asked, edging towards the door and quickly retreating when Castiel nodded.

In the bathroom, Dean mulled over what he'd heard. Some guy had asked Cas out? What about Charlie? Cas wouldn't cheat, would he? Maybe they weren't in a relationship after all... But that didn't matter because Charlie was telling him he shouldn't date someone else, which meant that either way, Cas was taken.

What about Cas's crush? Cas liked someone? Who was it?! Dean's heart raced when he thought about Cas crushing on _him_. What if Cas was his secret admirer?! No that would be silly. Dean would _know_ if Cas liked him like that.

He headed back to the dorm and plopped down on his bed. "So, what'dja want to talk about, buddy?"

Castiel cleared his throat nervously. "Uh...before I left, when I told you that I was going out with Charlie...did you think that I meant we were dating?" He looked down at his hands that were folded into fists in his lap. His cheeks colored.

"I—no..." Now Dean was blushing too.

"Oh, because, I realized that I poorly phrased my statement that Charlie and I were going to go somewhere together."

"Where did you guys go?" Dean asked.

"We went to a GSA meeting, because Charlie is gay. And I am pansexual," Cas said, staring Dean down.

"Cool," said Dean. He commended himself on his ability to stay calm, when his brain was chanting _he likes boys he likes boys he likes boys_ over and over, and there were alarm bells ringing in his mind. “Can I come next time? I'm bisexual."

Cas didn't respond; he stared at Dean a little slack jawed. "You like boys?"

"Yeah." Dean winked. Then he remembered that Cas was already in a relationship and cursed himself. _Shit._

Castiel blushed and looked away. He covered his face with his hands. Dean grinned because if he could get that reaction out of Cas, then he was at least a little attracted to him.

Dean was pathetic.

* * *

 

After that, the love notes on Dean's door suddenly stopped appearing. It affected Dean more than it should have. Another thing that affected Dean more than it should have: Castiel's new boyfriend.

The week after Thanksgiving, Dean came back from Geology. He was disappointed to see that there was no note, _again_. He walked into the dorm to see Castiel flat on his back on his bed with some guy sitting on his stomach, leaned over pressing enthusiastic kisses to his face and neck. Castiel was _giggling_. High-pitched squeals that sounded ungodly coming from a guy whose speaking voice was lower and scratchier than your average pack-a-day smoker.

Neither of them seemed to notice Dean; he stood there for a full minute in shock. He spent the minute after that trying to decide whether to slip away unnoticed or announce his presence.

The guy started sucking a hickey into Cas's neck, and Dean left, slamming the door behind him. He'll go study in the library. Or something.

Dean was frustrated. Why did they have to make out in _his_ dorm room? Sure, it was Cas's room, but it was also Dean's room. He did _not_ want to see that, thank you very much. It was the least that Castiel could do to put a sock on the doorknob or something.

He stayed in the library until the librarian kicked him out. He walked back to his dorm as slowly as possible.

When he got back, the other guy was gone. Dean muttered hello to Cas, who was lying in bed on his stomach with his head pillowed on his arms, looking at the wall. Castiel replied hello sleepily.

"So, did you have fun today?" Dean's question came out much more sarcastic-sounding than he'd intended. Castiel hummed in response and yawned. He looked so blissed-out that Dean couldn't help but imagine why. "Oh, well, good for you," he snarked bitterly. He slipped off his shoes and crawled into bed, facing away from Castiel.

* * *

 

Dean didn't want to be jealous; really, he didn't. That wouldn't be fair to Castiel. It really wasn't fair to his boyfriend, either. But Dean couldn't help himself. Whenever Castiel's boyfriend was around, Dean felt anger and hatred bubble up his throat from within his chest. He had to clamp down on his jaw to keep it all from spewing out at him.

Dean tended to avoid him. The longest he'd stuck around was when Castiel had introduced his new boyfriend, Balthazar. After that, Dean only ever saw him when he and Castiel were hooking up, so it wasn't _that_ bad that he avoided them, right?

Ever since that first day when Dean walked in on them hooking up, there had be no more love notes on the door. It was almost as if his secret admirer had given up on him. Or they had simply lost interest. Yes, that was a possibility too.

Now it was the week of finals. Dean was stressed out, and he couldn't possibly study anymore. He received a note on the door wishing him luck on his finals, and he felt a little disappointed that it wasn't anything more. Castiel wasn't in the dorm, so Dean pulled out his shoebox and slipped it in with the others.

He stared down into the box of paper and fished one out.

_You're so beautiful. Inside and out._

_You give my life meaning._

_Roses are red, violets are blue. Lava is hot and so are you._

_Whenever I'm near you, I smile._

Dean ended up reading all of the love notes. He missed getting them every day.  Dean didn't bother putting the slips of paper back in the box, and simply pulled the quilt over himself and the notes and curled up so he was facing the wall. He was lonely and homesick. He missed the days when he could have dinner with his family and have Cas there as well without it being complicated by crushing on him and jealousy. He didn't want to have to worry about finals or a future career. He just wanted to go back to when everything was simple again.

* * *

Dean wallowed in his misery for the next few hours. The room grew dark when the sun set, but he didn’t bother moving from his bed.

A little while later, Dean heard the dorm room door open, and the light was turned on. He pretended to be asleep; he didn’t want anyone to talk to him while he was feeling this way.

“Is your roommate asleep?” Dean heard a British voice—clearly Balthazar; Dean didn’t know anyone else who was British—whisper.

Hesitant shuffling towards Dean’s bed. “Yeah, I think so,” whispered Cas. “No, Balthazar… I can’t do anything with you while Dean’s in the room!” Dean felt a small surge of possessiveness and pride at that statement.

“I don’t want to do anything,” Balthazar murmured. “Castiel! Ca—just let me hold your hands!” Dean heard the springs of Castiel’s bed squeak. Balthazar exhaled sharply.

“Goodnight, Balthazar. Thank you for walking me back,” Castiel said.

“Wait, Castiel, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Balth—”

“Castiel, please just listen to me. This isn’t working out between us,” Balthazar said. Castiel was silent, and Balthazar continued nervously, “It’s not you; it’s me. Well, it’s both of us, really. Mostly you. Actually, it’s really only you.”

Dean felt a flare of anger towards Balthazar. Douchebag.

The bedsprings squeaked again, and Dean heard two feet land heavy on the floor. “ _What?_ ”

“Look, Cas, I can tell that you’re pining. I just…this relationship isn’t going to work if you’re interested in someone else.”

“I’m no-ot…” Cas muttered weakly.

“Look, you don’t have to tell me the truth, because I know what I see,” said Balthazar. “And I’m also pretty sure that you have no feelings towards me whatsoever.”

Castiel’s bed squeaked as he sat back down. He sighed.

“Cas, I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I know that you’re only in this relationship because you’re trying to move on. But I don’t think that throwing yourself into the arms of the first willing person you meet isn’t going to help you.”

“Then what do _you_ suggest I do, Balthazar?” Castiel’s voice was tinged with anger.

“You should talk to them! See if they’re interested. You have to take a chance, Castiel. Put yourself out there. It’s better to get turned down than to spend the rest of your life asking what would have happened if you had asked him—uh, or her—out. You could spend the rest of your life drifting from person to person, miserable because they’re just not right for you. They’re not the person you really want.”

“Or perhaps this is just a silly adolescent crush that won’t be reciprocated, and I will end up miserable anyway,” Castiel lamented.

“Well, in my experience, it’s easier to move on when you know they’re not interested.”

“I don’t know about that…” Castiel murmured.

“Castiel…” Balthazar sighed. Dean assumed that he was struggling to think of a more compelling argument. And Cas was one stubborn son of a bitch, so Dean knew that that was gonna be hard for him. “Castiel, look, I’m just trying to do what’s best for you—”

“You know what, Balthazar, just fucking leave!” Dean flinched at Castiel’s sudden angry outburst. “You dumping me isn’t ‘helping!’ But whatever. It’s nice to know that you think I’m throwing my life away by dating you too! At least it’s all over now, right? _Get out of my dorm._ ”

The door slammed. Dean pretended he hadn’t heard any of the conversation, that he was still asleep. He heard Castiel rustle around on his bed. Neither of them bothered to turn off the light.

As Dean drifted off to sleep, he could have sworn that he heard Cas crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, poor Cas. :(
> 
> Please leave a comment and kudos :)  
> My tumblr: [perfectlylovingtiger](https://perfectlylovingtiger.tumblr.com/)


	3. Dean Goes Home (Road Trip part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that this took so long, but I got grounded for a month and then I moved and so I haven't done much writing.

Castiel was distant for the rest of the week. Saturday was the first day that he was in the dorm when Dean woke up. He was packing his suitcase.

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean mumbled blearily, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Long time no see.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot on my plate. Balthazar dumped me. And with finals and all…” Cas sighed. “It’s been a rough week.”

Dean stood and held his arms out in invitation for a hug. Castiel hesitated, and then climbed down from where he was perched on the bed. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and buried his head in the junction of his head and his shoulder. Dean rubbed his back comfortingly. Castiel nuzzled softly into Dean’s neck.

“Boys are awful,” he muttered.

A little voice in the back of Dean’s brain piped up, _Not all boys! Not me! I’m not awful! I’m perfect for you, Cas!_ Dean swallowed thickly and suppressed that train of thought. “I know, buddy.” _Please love me._

Castiel held on to Dean for a long time. Dean’s heels were starting to ache from putting his weight and part of Cas’s on them for so long. Finally, Castiel pulled away and sat down on his bed, one leg tucked under the other. Dean’s front felt cold, and he crossed his arms in front of himself to try to keep the warmth.

“Your parents invited me to Christmas,” Cas said, folding his shirts meticulously so they’d all fit in his luggage.

“Really? They didn’t say anything to me about it.” Dean frowned.

“Well, it would be rather odd if you didn’t show up to your own Christmas, Dean. You left your phone in the dorm and they called to check whether you were coming. I told them you were.”

“Oh. What about your family? Don’t you guys usually go up to visit your grandparents in Illinois?”

Castiel shrugged. “I don’t really want to go. I usually just hide in Jimmy’s room the entire time anyway.”

“Huh. Well, then, welcome to the family I guess.” Dean laughed nervously, thinking of other, more official ways for him to join the family. Castiel beamed at him, and his heart stuttered.

The rest of the morning was spent packing. Dean teased Cas for packing so much that he couldn’t zip up his suitcase.

“We’ll be gone for two weeks! I’ve only packed the bare minimums!” Castiel complained, pushing down on the top of his case.

“Well, just take a couple things out. If you run out of clothes, you can just wash them; it’s not like we’re gonna be in the middle of nowhere.”

Castiel groaned and climbed on top of the suitcase. He grunted as he tugged on the zipper.

Dean crossed his arms and laughed. “If you get desperate, you can just borrow from me, Cas.”

Castiel paused what he was doing and looked over Dean with a calculating look. “No.”

“Why not?” Unhelpful thoughts that Dean’s family would think they were dating crossed his mind.

“Because,” Castiel ground out, “you dress like a lumberjack.”

“A _what_ now?!”

“Will you just help me!?” Cas begged. Dean pouted. “Please, Dean.”

“Fine. Only so we can leave sooner and get breakfast.” Dean pushed a hand onto the suitcase and managed to yank the zipper. Once the zipper was past the first couple inches, it was fairly easy to zip the rest of the .

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean shrugged. “Come on, let’s get some breakfast.” He slung his duffle over his head and waited as Cas slipped on his coat and his shoes. Dean hadn’t packed as much as Cas, since he had clothes at home. He could just wash his clothes before they returned to school, so he only needed a couple days’ worth of clothes.

Dean and Cas packed their suitcases in the trunk of Dean’s car and climbed into the front seat. Dean took them to a Denny’s that was near campus for breakfast. A host brought them to a booth and gave them their menus. Dean propped his foot up on the bench across from him, right next to Castiel’s thigh.

Castiel flipped through his menu slowly, looking at every page contemplatively. Even the seniors’ page.

“Dude, there’s no way you could pass for 55,” Dean said, kicking Cas gently in the shin. Castiel glanced up with an unamused look on his face. “Or maybe you could,” Dean conceded. “You’ve got really dark circles, and wrinkles around your eyes. God, dude, do you ever sl—ow! Hey!!” He pulled his leg down off of the seat to free it from Cas who had started digging his fingernails into Dean’s ankle.

“I work nights at the gas station, and you _know_ that I have an 8 a.m. class,” Cas explained, glaring at Dean.

“Then just see if you can get different hours,” Dean said.

“Yeah, but then I would have to stay up and study, and I would rather study when I’m not exhausted.”

“Oh.” Dean slunk down in his seat, embarrassment coloring his cheeks.

Luckily, a waitress came to their booth to take their orders, freeing them from continuing the conversation. Dean ordered a grand slam and a cup of coffee, and Castiel ordered a soup and salad off the 2-4-6-8 menu.

They sat in silence, taking in the ambiance of the restaurant for the time that it took for Dean’s food to come (Cas got his right away). Dean could see the window into the kitchen from his seat, so he watched the cook move around in the kitchen and the waitresses take the food away. It was better than staring at Cas and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed.

When Dean’s food came, it was Castiel’s turn to sit and twiddle his thumbs. “Why don’t you just get another bowl of soup?” Dean asked, spitting toast crumbs.

“I’m not that hungry,” he answered.

“Hey man, we’ve got two days to drive halfway across the country. That means no stopping for lunch. Better fill up now.”

“And if one of us has to pee?” Cas asked.

Dean smirked at him. “Get out to piss on the side of the road.” Castiel vehemently disagreed, but Dean just nodded deviously.

“Fuck you, Winchester.”

Dean laughed, “You wish.” Castiel looked down at the table suddenly, his cheeks turning red. Dean blushed too, realizing the implications of his statement. He hid his embarrassment by stuffing pancakes into his mouth.

The waitress walked by to refill Dean’s coffee, and Castiel requested another bowl of soup.

Cas ate so daintily. He always used his manners, even though it was just Dean with him, and they were in a _Denny’s_. He took small sips, taking care not to slurp (If it was Dean, he would have been slurping on purpose just to get a rise out of him.), and when he was finished, he laid the spoon down gently on the edge of the saucer, and then pulled his (paper!!!!!!) napkin out of his lap and dabbed the corners of his mouth before returning it to his lap. Dean wanted to ask him why he bothered because it was just Dean here, and he didn’t give a flying fuck. But then again, he’d stayed at his house for dinner before, and Castiel’s parents were extremely strict about table manners.

Dean realized he’d been staring at Cas for the past two minutes, and he was now staring back intensely. Dean fought against the sudden tightness in his chest and sucked in a breath. Flustered, he took a sip of his coffee and looked away.

Dean glanced back at Cas, whose expression had softened. Rather than staring Dean down, daring him to look away, Castiel looked sort of…happy but also a little sad too. Melancholy.  He had a soft little smile, but with Cas, you really had to look at his eyes to tell what he was feeling. While most people would describe him as stoic, Dean always could discern his emotions, just by looking at his eyes. Right now, his eyes were wide and soft, and his eyebrows were just barely tilted up at the center. Dean could pick out a soft _something_ glinting in his eyes, something magical or gentle or whatever other girly adjectives that could be used to describe it. For once, Dean was at a loss; he couldn’t find the word for the emotion he saw in Cas’s eyes, for he barely understood it himself.

“Dude,” Dean gasped, “why are you staring at me like that?”

Castiel blinked, and that little twinkle in his eyes went away, and he frowned as he realized what he’d been doing for the past couple minutes. “I don’t know what you mean. I’m just looking at you.”

 _Yeah, right._ “Whatever. I’m gonna use the bathroom. You should too, unless you wanna end up pissing on the side of the road later.” With that, he got up and headed to the bathroom.

When Dean returned to the table, the waitress was whispering something into Castiel’s ear. Dean stopped in front of her and frowned. He couldn’t help the unpleasant feeling that bloomed in his chest. She straightened and looked at Dean, then looked back at Castiel, smirking and winking before walking away. Dean glared at the back of her head, and turned to look at Castiel, who was beet red.

Dean swallowed down his jealousy and smiled slyly at Cas. “Hot date?” He wiggled his eyebrows at Cas, who covered his face and looked away.

“No.”

“Oh. Ready to go?” asked Dean.

“Yeah.”

“Great.” Dean pulled his wallet out and dropped a five on the table. He scooped up the bill and headed towards the cash register to pay.

* * *

 

They got onto I-80 E and started to play I Spy. It was pretty fun until they passed into the desert, and the scenery was all the same: rocks and scrubs. It became hard to think of something that wasn’t the sky, clouds, rocks, road signs, or scrub brushes.

It was nearing 9 pm by the time that they decided to stop in a sleepy town about an hour from the Utah-Nevada border. There was only one motel in the entire town, but it was nice enough.

It was extremely embarrassing, however, when Dean asked for a “double room” and the clerk at the desk asked him if he was taking his boyfriend home for the holidays. Dean’s entire body locked up, and he could feel himself blushing. He stared straight at the snowman painting hanging behind the desk.

Castiel cleared his throat and said, “We aren’t dating.”

A sad sigh escaped Dean. Composing himself, he clarified, “We want two beds.”

The clerk looked like he didn’t believe them, but he gave them a room anyway.

And it was a double room. Just like Dean had asked for.

Dean dropped his bag and flopped down face first on the bed closest to the door. “Night, Cas!” he announced.

He could hear the soft thump on the other bed. “Are you not gonna sleep under the covers?” Cas asked. In response, Dean pretended to snore. Castiel didn’t say anything more. Instead he unzipped his suitcase and Dean could hear fabric rustling and suddenly he wasn’t so sleepy anymore. He kept his face down in the bed and tried his hardest— _ha!—_ not to look at his friend while he changed.The rustling grew louder and more plastic-y as Castiel climbed into his bed. “Night, Dean,” Castiel murmured. Dean slid off his jeans and climbed under his covers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and kudos :)  
> My tumblr: [perfectlylovingtiger](https://perfectlylovingtiger.tumblr.com/)


	4. Dean Discovers Something Even More Important (Road Trip part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes the final trip home...but it's hard to focus on the road and not his passenger...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> College. Just college. That's my excuse. The last time I even edited this document before today was the day I moved into the dorms.  
> Hope you enjoy!

The next morning, Dean got up bright and early, because they still had about 10 hours until they got to Kansas. However, leaving so early meant waking up Castiel, which was the true challenge of the day, not driving for ten hours straight. Cas _loved_ to sleep and hated waking up. He hated waking up so much that, once in high school, he slept an entire weekend away. Or so he claimed. Dean doubted it though, since his family surely had to have checked up on him to make sure he hadn’t died or something.

Dean grabbed the blankets, in which Cas had tightly wrapped himself up in, and yanked them off the bed. Housekeeping probably wouldn’t appreciate that, but they had to take the sheets off the bed in between customers anyway. Cas didn’t wake up at the initial rush of air, so Dean decided to be mean.

He climbed up on the bed and started to poke his fingers into Castiel’s sides, right where he knew his friend was ticklish. Castiel started to squirm and shout with laughter. “Stop it!” he complained in between his laughter. He rolled onto his back, and dean took it as his chance to straddle his chest so that Castiel couldn’t squirm away

“Haha, got you now!” Dean laughed, leaning forwards to tickle Castiel’s armpits.

Castiel tensed up, his blue eyes wide, and his breaths shallow. Dean quickly realized that leaning over to tickle Cas had also brought their faces a lot closer too.

Time stood still as Dean stared into Castiel’s eyes, and Castiel stared right back, and Dean’s gaze dipped a little lower towards Castiel’s lips, and Castiel’s lips parted, and Dean wondered what it might be like to kiss him, and Castiel was looking at Dean’s lips now, and Dean’s lips tingled with the desire to be pressed against Castiel’s, and Castiel exhaled gently, and Dean was leaning forward, and—

“ _Dean?_ ” Castiel whispered breathlessly.

And just like ice being dropped into a hot glass, the moment shattered. Dean leapt off the bed and fell on the floor. He popped and stammered, “I’m…I-I’ll—I’m, uh, the car—I’m gonna check out, um. Take as much time as you need, I’ll be in the car. I mean, not that you have to yet up right away, but, uh, yeah…” Dean grabbed his bag and bolted out of the room and to his car.

Inside the car, Dean called Charlie. She didn’t pick up the first time, so he dialed again. And again.

Finally, Charlie answered, crankily yelling, “ _It’s five in the morning, Dean Winchester, what the_ fuck _do you want_?!”

“I nearly just kissed Cas!” Dean blurted.

There was a long pause, and then Charlie, sounding much more awake, said, “ _Wait, really_?”

“Yeah!” Dean took a shaky breath.

“ _Why didn’t you_?”

“Um, he just broke up with his boyfriend, like, two weeks ago. And he’s still really upset about it. I don’t want to, like, be a rebound for him.”

“ _You’re a fucking idiot, Dean._ ”

Charlie hung up before Dean could respond. A text quickly chimed in from her:

_Call me later when you get back to Kansas._

Dean decided to get some breakfast from McDonalds while Cas was getting ready to go. By the time that Cas came out to the car, freshly showered and smelling strongly of his orchid shampoo, his food and his peppermint mocha that Dean had bought him were cold.

Cas took a sip of the coffee and hummed happily. Dean felt a burst of pride at that. “What is this?” he asked.

“Coffee.”

“Doesn’t taste like coffee. ’S good though.” Cas sipped more of the coffee.

Castiel fell asleep soon after he finished his food and coffee, which astounded Dean. It was fine though, because it meant for a quiet…boring trip. Dean started falling asleep himself about six hours in. 

* * *

 

They stopped at a rest stop somewhere in Colorado. The air was crisp and cold on his skin, and it really woke him up. Also the three inches of skin that were revealed when Cas got out of the car and stretched, that really woke him up too. Dean blushed and turned away, suddenly feeling very warm.

The car trip was silent after their pit stop, even though Cas was awake now. He vacillated between staring out the window and staring at the side of Dean’s face. Dean focused dutifully on the road around him, although part of his consciousness was constantly tuned into Castiel.

It wasn’t until the sun was painting the Kansas sky lovely shades of orange and pink that either of them spoke.

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice was small, unsure.

“Yeah?”

“Um…this morning, when you, uh, y’know…um, were you going to kiss me?” Cas asked.

Dean’s hands clenched on the steering wheel. “Uh…” And there his lips started tingling again. I seemed even the thought of kissing Cas made them tingle with the desire to kiss his friend. He stammered, “I…wanted to kinda, but you just broke up and I don’t know if you’re over him yet, and I didn’t want to like, make it seem like I was trying to move in on you as soon as you’re single, so…yeah.” God, what an idiot.

“Oh.” Castiel took out his phone and started to text someone. Dean tried not to wonder who he was texting or why. “Well, I wan—I wouldn’t have been,” Cas stammered. “I mean, if you _had_ kissed me…

“I would have been okay with that,” Cas finished, at the same time that Dean said, “I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

“Wait, what?” Dean couldn’t believe his ears. _Holyshitholyshitholyshit._

“I said I would have been amenable to you kissing me.”

Dean was so distracted by that confession that he didn’t notice that he had begun to drift into the left lane. Swearing under his breath, he jerked back into the lane.

Neither of them said anything as they finished the last leg of their trip. Dean pulled the Impala into his parents’ driveway and shut off the engine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The college that Dean and Cas go to is the same college that I go to! So if you're wondering why they would go all the way to California rather than somewhere closer by, it's because that's the only college I was actually familiar with. I don't know why it matters, since I don't describe the university in any detail. Mostly because I had only been on, like, one tour of the campus and it didn't even go to the residence halls, where the majority of the setting in this story takes place. ￣\\_(ツ)_/￣
> 
> Please subscribe, leave a kudos (if you haven't already) and a comment.  
> My tumblr: [perfectlylovingtiger](https://perfectlylovingtiger.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Next chapter...either Thanksgiving or Christmas break.


	5. Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean dumps everything he's been feeling for months onto Charlie, and the two make plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I even make excuses for the length of time it takes to update? The answer is always I was lazy. Like, I started this fic in 2016. But unlike all of my other works, I swear I'm gonna finish this one. We're almost there. Just a couple more chapters! Can't say how long that'll be, but I swear I won't give up!

Dean’s family welcomed them with warm hugs. It was pretty late, the sun having just gone down, but Sam was happy to stay up with them playing Mario Kart for a couple hours. Unfortunately for Sam, Dean had _not_ gotten rusty in over the past couple months. Unfortunately for Dean, _Castiel_ had gotten really good at this game—a side affect of his friendship with Charlie.

Speaking of Charlie, Dean remembered that he was supposed to call her. As the night wound down, Sam went up to his room, and Dean and Cas went up to Dean’s bedroom. Dean was a little bit anxious when he found out that they would have to share. He hoped that he didn’t get an inappropriate boner or start spooning Cas in his sleep or something embarrassing like that. Dean shucked off his jeans and pulled on a pair of pajama pants that he had left in his dresser.

When he went to grab his phone, he discovered that it was dead. He must have forgotten to charge it last night or something.

“Hey, Cas, can I borrow your phone?” Dean asked. He didn’t want to be stuck in his room while he waited for it to charge. He also didn’t want to talk to Charlie about his crush while his crush was in the room.

“Why?” Cas asked, his head tilted.

“Mine’s dead, and I wanted to talk to Charlie,” Dean answered.

“Why can’t you use the landline?” Cas asked.

“What’s a landline?” Dean asked. Cas gave Dean a disapproving look. “Ugh, fine. I don’t know her number.”

Cas gave him her number, and then Dean ran downstairs to his mother’s office to call Charlie. He didn’t want anyone sneaking up on him in the hallway to listen in to his conversation.

“ _Finally! I thought you got into a car crash or something!_ ” Charlie said when she picked up.

“I would never hurt my baby like that, Charlie!” Dean said.

“ _Oh, I know, you would never do anything like that on purpose. I just figured that you’d be too caught up staring at Cas and accidentally run yourself off the road or something,_ ” Charlie said. Dean huffed. “ _Speaking of Cas…tell me everything!_ ”

“Where do I start?”

“ _I dunno, the beginning? When did you start to have a crush on him? Was it love at first sight too?_ ”

“No, up until this year I thought I was straight.”

“ _Aw, so Cas was the one who made you realize you’re bi?_ ”

“I mean…I always kinda noticed that he was cute, especially after he went off to summer camp as a counselor before senior grade and he came back with a growth spurt and a tan…” Charlie gasped. “But I was dating Lisa, so I didn’t really pay much attention,” he continued. “And, even before I _like_ -liked Cas, I kinda wondered if maybe I was bi, but I didn’t really have any proof either way.”

“ _You don’t really need proof…_ ” Charlie muttered.

“Well, yeah. I mean, I thought, if a hot guy asked me out, I wouldn’t say no, but I’d never really thought about initiating it before…”

“ _Before Cas?_ ”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“ _So when exactly did all of your feelings towards Cas start?_ ”

“It was just this semester. I remember you and Cas were sitting on his bed on Pottermore, doing the, um, patronus, and Cas got an owl, and his face lit up, because he loves owls and it fit him so well, and I just felt something within me shift and he was suddenly just there. And it was really awkward because I thought that you two were dating, and I was so jealous.”

“ _I wouldn’t go out with Cas, he’s not my type,_ ” Charlie scoffed.

“Yeah, I know that _now_. But the problem is that as soon as I realized that you two weren’t dating and that Cas was on the market, he started dating that asshole Balthazar.” Dean growled angrily at the memory of how coldly Balthazar had broken up with Cas.

“ _Oh yeah, I told Cas not to go out with him. They were doomed from the start.”_

Dean snorted. “They were all over each other. All the time! I don’t see how that’s doomed from the start.”

_“I mean…Cas wasn’t really into him that much… Honestly, I don’t know why he even went out with him in the first place.”_

Dean was going to contest that, but then he remembered Balthazar telling Castiel that the reason they didn’t work out was that _Cas_ was in love with someone else. “Wait he really has a crush on someone?”

_“You didn’t know?!”_

“No. Wait…do you know who he likes?”

Charlie went silent, although he could still hear her breathing.

_“I—No.”_

“Charlie…”

_“Anyway, so what are you gonna do about your crush on Cas?”_

Dean huffed in annoyance at the obvious attempt to change the subject, but he let it drop for now. He would grill her more once Christmas break was over.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll ask him out; maybe I’ll just chicken out and just pretend that nothing’s changed. I think that for now, I’m just going to focus on finding out who my secret admirer who’s been leaving me love notes is.”

_“Whaaaaaat?! Why?!”_

“Listen, Charlie, this person, they’ve been with me since sophomore year of high school. Every up and every down. And I’ve been trying to find them for _years!_ I have to know who they are. Like, they’ve been such an important part of my life for years—well, except for the month or so…”

 _“Ooh, he stopped sending you letters?”_ Charlie’s tone belied that she knew more than she let on.

“ _He_? Wait do you know who they are?”

Charlie quickly backpedaled. _“No—I-I meant_ they _, yes, they. I just used he because you know, I forgot that you were bi because you’ve been obsessing over Cas so much and—”_

“I only told you about it today!”

 _“Uh… It’s_ definitely _been longer than that. Anyways, you were saying about your secret admirer?”_

“Well, this person’s been in my life for so long, I have to meet them. Even if I don’t ask them out, I just want to have some closure. Let them down easy if I’m not interested in them. And I was thinking, you know, this person went to high school with me, so all I have to do is find out who went to the same college as me, and then go down the line until I find out who it is. My school has a bulletin board that they put up every year of where all the seniors from the previous year went off to school or to work. Most people go to KU, so there can’t be that many who go to the same school as me and Cas considering it’s fourteen hundred miles, there can’t be that many.”

 _“Oh, I can totally help you out! I’ll hack into the system at school and figure it out for you!”_ Charlie offered.

“Really? You can do that?”

_“I’m a master hacker. When do you it want it done by?”_

“I dunno, as soon as possible?”

_“Okay!”_

“Thanks a lot Charlie. This really means a lot to me. You’re the best.”

_“That what friend’s are for, man.”_

“I’m gonna go now, Charlie. Night.”

_“Later!”_

Dean hung up the phone, excited. He was finally going to find out who his secret admirer was!

 

* * *

 

 

Charlie heard Dean hang up the phone, but she was unsurprised when the line didn’t go dead. “Hello, Cas.”

 _“Hi, Charlie,”_ Castiel whispered lowly.

“So you heard everything, huh?”

_“You promised me you wouldn’t tell him!”_

“Why does that matter now? You _know_ that he likes you, and finding out that you’re his secret admirer is only going to bolster his feelings toward you!”

_“I want to tell him myself.”_

Charlie sighed. “Look, I promised Dean I would give him the list, but I didn’t tell him _when._ I’ll give you five days to tell him yourself, then I’ll tell him, okay?”

_“Ok.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please subscribe, leave a kudos (if you haven't already) and a comment.  
> My tumblr: [perfectlylovingtiger](https://perfectlylovingtiger.tumblr.com/)


End file.
